Anne Milton - Guildford MP (and Dipstick)

BBC - How a six-year-old beat the House of Commons computer system: Now that Brianagh had managed to smuggle her keylogger into the House of Commons, Anne Milton, Guilford's Conservative MP, agreed to help Inside Out put the secure House of Commons computer system to the test. Anne Milton agreed to leave her computer unattended for just 60 seconds. But it took six-year-old Brianagh just 15 seconds to sneak into Anne's room and hide the keylogger on her machine. And, although Brianagh had effectively attached a bug to a sensitive computer, not a single alarm was raised.

There's not a lot I can say about Amme right now, as my hospital is being held hostage... but two things do need to be noted for the record:

1. This turn of events provides Anne & Co. with a potentially plausible excuse for the highly questionable Wikipedia edits and smear-blogs. Dennis Paul is already primed for this, as he loves to scream "Hacker!" when he gets caught doing naughty things with his computer.

2. All producers of factual programmes should be made aware that - if they ever need a publicity-hungry MP who can convincingly say "Gosh, I didn't know that!" - then Anne's their man.

Cheers all.

Labels: dennis paul, ignorance, smear-blogs, wikipedia

Hi folks. Sorry I've been away, but I hope to make it up to you all very soon.

To be honest, I've been quite glad of the break on one specific front; the Save The Royal Surrey campaign.

Given the importance of the campaign, the rare cross-party unity that heralded its launch, and the Miltonites' absolute certainty that I'm part of some grand Liberal Democrat conspiracy against them, it seemed to me that the most constructive thing I could do was stay the hell out of it.

Sadly, the calls for unity from the Conservative side have been rendered meaningless by the most-vocal supporters of Milton and the campaign to save the Royal Surrey can only be undermined as a result. I'll go into detail on this and a number of other outstanding matters one day soon, but first - here's the reason I'm back one day early...

The Times - MPs don't know their Sunnis from Shi'ites: Anne Milton, the Tory MP for Guildford, wears the dunce's cap after getting 13 out of 14 questions wrong. It even slipped her mind that she was a member of the Friends of Islam group. "Ooh, am I?" she said. "Oh yes, I suppose so. I forgot. I don't think I've sat on it yet."

Oh dear... where to start...?

Well, let's begin at the bottom (where Anne is) and work our way up....

1. Anne Milton forgot that she was a member of the All-Party Parliamentary Friends of Islam Group and does not even appear to have attended a single meeting of the group. Given her performance on the Health Select Committee, we should not be surprised.

2. To anybody who is actually surprised by this turn of events; I would like to point out that Anne Milton was once outwitted by Geoff Hoon.

3. Poor Anne was singled out as the most ignorant MP, but it should be pointed out that only 30 MPs faced the challenge. OK, so all of these MPs were chosen on the basis of their claimed/implied 'expertise' on the Middle East, but let's at least try to be charitable here; if every MP in the country faced the quiz, she may have fared a little better... comparatively.

To help make this very important point a little clearer, we must seek wisdom from The Simpons:

Homer: I'm sorry, Marge, but sometimes I think we're the worst family in town.

Marge: Maybe we should move to a larger community.

4. Anne may even have known a few of the answers had she spent more time reading Wikipedia and less time making vanity-edits to her entry.

5. It must be kept in mind that this most-capable of representatives votes in Parliament and even poses questions that are specific to the Middle East... but I think I've already made it clear that I think she is an unworthy and incapable representative, so I won't pose the obvious question again.

6. But I will pose a new one;

Will Anne Milton do the honourable thing and resign from the All-Party Parliamentary Friends of Islam Group?

(Psst! Amme! Next time you're put on the spot by a journalist, here's what you should do; totally ignore the question(s) they put to you, and instead have your activists post libellous claims about them on the internet. Anonymous websites about their wives and children should shut them right up, and - if this fails - have your activists spread rumours about an arrest record in a way that puts Wikipedia at risk instead of your good self.)

Labels: hypocrisy, ignorance, middle east, royal surrey

If it weren't for this entry on this weblog, Anne Milton and her staff would have remained blissfully unaware of a little thing called Wikipedia, and they certainly wouldn't have known about the vandalism of her entry there. This new level of awareness led to repeated attempts to cleanse the entry of all impurities (most notably from inside Parliament during working hours, showing these people had no idea that this activity would be tracked and recorded).

From this exchange alone we can determine at least three things:

1. Anne Milton and her supporters are completely without a clue
2. Anne Milton and her supporters are very touchy about links/references to this weblog
3. But... Anne Milton and her supporters rely on this weblog for information (see: #1)

There are plenty of past exchanges that set all of the above in concrete, but today, I'm going to bring you a fresh one...

The New Statesman is running a special weblog for conference season. One of the many MPs contributing is Anne Milton.

What immediately caught my eye was this final passage in her first post:

"Also meeting up with a crowd from Guildford for a quick drink - they are such good people (as are all political party activitsts [sic] - such a loyal and supportive crew!)"

This follows recent posts made by Dennis Paul (and recent comments made by Dennis Paul pretending to be other people) after he 'quit' blogging...

1: "A short plug for colleague Mike Chambers website. He is a local campaigner in Onslow whose site can be found at www.ycge.com and is doing tremendous work in Onslow and the University."

2: "I am delighted by the swift action taken by Conservatives to improve safety at Ashenden estate following a brutal attack there. Mike Chambers who promptly set up this campaign has shown local leadership in bringing the key parties together to get improvements in safety."

3: "Local tory troubleshooter Mike Chambers was reported in the press today having got heads together to improve security at Ashenden. This is just the kind of leadership our community needs."

Yes! This is just the kind of leadership our community needs!

Why, it's almost as if a memo has gone out about improving the image of local Tory activists in general and one Tory activist in particular. One can only wonder why.

But... what really had me chuckling yesterday afternoon was the blogroll next to this post (that also appears on every other page of the conference weblog):

Yes, among the links to weblogs by MPs is a link to this weblog about an MP.

Now, it remains to be seen if this is the result of someone at the New Statesman having a laugh or lacking a clue, but one thing is certain:

Anne Milton, and her staff and her supporters all would have seen these pages, but nobody appears to have spotted this... and Milton is so thin-skinned that there is no *way* that she'd contribute to the conference blog if she knew that link was there.

But she sure as hell knows about it now.

Stand by for ACTION!

[PS - Psst! Amme! Going to bed at 2am is a late night. Going to bed at 2pm is a nap. Just thought I should clear that up. Oh, and when you next meet up with your neighbouring MPs, do let them know that I haven't forgotten about them... and please tell Jeremy that he's first cab off the rank.]

[NOTE - Having just checked spelling and links prior to publication I can see... *sigh*... that the Wikipedia 'cleansing' debate has kicked off again this morning. While it's fun to watch Miltonites embarrass themselves with a 'fair and balanced' approach that's on par with FOX News, Wikipedia is not the place for this kind of partisan crap.]

[UPDATE - Anne Milton's new website has just gone live (after spending well over a year 'in development'). I've just added it to the navbar. Oh, and whoever took this picture will want to check their memory cards, as I was standing right behind her at the time. Seriously.]

Labels: dennis paul, ignorance, mike chambers, smear-blogs, wikipedia

Some people would have you think that I don't take healthcare seriously ("... and you die Tim, you die!"), but I regard the health and welfare of others to be of primary importance... which is why I think Anne Milton is a very dangerous beast indeed.

She used to be a nurse, you know.... so we can trust her to take control of health issues. And she is so very passionate. What could possiblie go wrong?

Well, here's Anne in the Commons yesterday being the castigated - and *mocked* - by the Speaker... and then outwitted by Geoff Hoon, of all people.

Geoff Hoon!

Business of the House: 13 Oct 2005: House of Commons debates (TheyWorkForYou.com)

Click, follow and read. Witness the flabbergasting for yourself. Gaze in wonder at the invitation to come to Guildford that is addressed not to the Leader of the House, but to the Speaker - who then accepts the invitation in jest.

This mess allowed Geoff Hoon to dodge the question with the zinger that he "would not want to get in the way of Mr. Speaker's visit".

Is this - as Anne would put it - 'cutting the mustard'?

No, it's more like cutting the cheese. It is a pointless fart in a sea of gas.

(Speaking of which, we were given many assurances during the election campaign that a Tory MP would better-placed to influence the Tory-controlled Surrey County Council. How's that going?)

Labels: ignorance

Here are two highlights from Anne Milton's recent participation in a debate on local taxation...

Highlight No. 1

Anne Milton:

I have a list of all the taxes favoured by Liberal Democrats, who love taxes because they think that they keep people in their place. They are: VAT on new homes, stealth inheritance tax, speed camera tax, rubbish tax, plastic bag tax, parking taxes to shop, parking taxes on business, land tax, income tax at a new regional rate and a new local rate, hotel taxes, 4x4 taxes. I could go on...

Phil Woolas (Minister of State, Office of the Deputy Prime Minister):

Keep going.

Anne Milton:

I could, but the fact remains...

Ahahahahahahaha! I'm sorry, but I've read this a number of times now, and it still amuses me.

Highlight No. 2

Anne Milton:

I have campaigned yearly on the council tax increases in Guildford. I even took to the streets and marched from one end of my constituency to the other. It is a shame that people do not take to the streets more often.

Or in greater numbers, for that matter.

I present, for the enjoyment of participants and observers, a photo of Anne Milton's Great March Across Guildford:

UPDATE - And here is another, where Amme can be clearly seen. Walking next to campaign director concerned citizen Grant Griffiths, by the looks of things:

Labels: ignorance, publicity