This entry was posted on
Thursday, November 3rd, 2005 at
10:58 am and is filed
under Guy Fawkes Night, Tony ‘King Blair.

Reuters – Blair under fire after “day from hell”: Prime Minister Tony Blair was under pressure to reassert his authority on Thursday after he suffered one of the worst days in his eight years in office. Nearly six months after comfortably winning a third successive election, Blair faced a barrage of front pages saying his authority had slumped during his “day from hell”.

BBC – Blair seeks Blunkett row closure: Tony Blair will try to move on from the resignation of his ally David Blunkett when his Cabinet meets on Thursday. Conservative leader Michael Howard said Mr Blunkett’s departure was part of a “haemorrhage” in Mr Blair’s authority. But the prime minister’s supporters say that is nonsense and Mr Blair will just get on with reforms to public services.

Why oh why oh why do I obsess over Iraq so? Well, let me tell you about one thing that stops me from drawing a line under it anytime soon…

The only people Blair can appoint or count on in the pursuit of his reforms have to have backed him over the war on Iraq then and continue to back him to this day. And anyone who can do that with a smile on their face is duplicitous, stupid or woefully misinformed. It’s no longer a case of the best man or woman for the job. Take a look at John Hutton’s position as one very clear example of this at work.

There’s no drawing a line under an issue when people are still dying and a greater crisis looms… or when that issue colours and shapes almost every other issue.

The only way to start to move forward is to draw a line under Tony Blair, and on that note I’d like to change the subject to that of voodoo.

As I carefully formed Tony Blair’s face from shreds of the Sun newspaper and later prepared to form the body using that same tabloid as stuffing, it occurred to me that a few extra items were required to make my voodoo strong.

For this reason, the following extras have been added to my Blair Guy (or are due to be added later).

– Pot Pourri was mixed with the newspaper stuffing for that sweet, sweet smell of the farts that stream from his bottom, bathed in glorious sunlight.

– The suit itself is special… it’s a shoddy, showy silver number that I used to wear when I was a DJ. It’s quite audacious. I used to wonder why I kept it all these years… but I don’t any more.

– A broken watch has been placed in his breast pocket to represent his corruptibility… and his dodgy ticker*.

– Print-outs of every email Pete Broderick thought he had sent to Tony Blair that included his concerns about the Catholic Church (of which there are many) have been stuffed into Blair/Guy’s chest to represent the often-neglected religious aspect of Guy Fawkes night… and Tony Blair himself (oh, and as a sly nod to people who might think that I’m beginning to lose my mind).

– A liberal application of hairspray will be added late on Saturday to represent Blair’s Teflon coating

…

Feel free to suggest extras. We have the luxury of time.

…

Now don’t go away just yet, because I’m going to ask you to join me in a short voodoo ritual today.

Instructions follow…

–

Today is a very special day. It marks the beginning of the end for Tony Blair.

I ask you, the good people of Britain, to join me in a short voodoo ritual:

Step 1 – Write down Tony Blair’s full name – Anthony Charles Lynton Blair – on a piece of paper

Step 2 – Draw a line under it

… and then pass this short message on. Thank you.

–

(*At this point, two wonderful ideas occurred. I do love this project. ‘Cathartic’ doesn’t begin to describe it.)