This entry was posted on
Wednesday, October 16th, 2002 at
9:20 am and is filed
under Uncategorized.
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Date
20021016
Time
09:20
Yay! New Wallace and Gromit!
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Date
20021016
Time
09:24
AOL has finally bowed to pressure from their users and done away with pop-up advertising. Also interesting is this article, which not only outlines a great many of AOL’s current (and past) woes, but also explains why the Usenet group alt.aol-sucks has been so quiet of late. According to one poster, it’s because ‘everyone knows AOL sucks’. Kind of takes the sport out of it, I agree.
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Date
20021016
Time
09:30
The man who had sex with a traffic cone is in court. Apparently he did it because a pair of trainers was unavailable at the time.
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Date
20021016
The End Of Free
Time
14:09
There goes AskMe.
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Date
20021016
Time
15:58
Here’s a little image to cheer you up.
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Date
20021016
Time
15:59
This is what Bloggerheads would look like if it were written by Chris Eubanks.
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Date
20021016
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
16:05
Still waiting – and still deleting Tony’s email.
Today: An email from a young man in India who is having visa problems, but still wishes to study in this country and ‘pursue a career in electrical and electronic engineering’.
*zap*
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Date
20021017
Time
11:03
Heh. Just like in them there movies with the spasms and the squirting and the griiiinding pain, please make it stop! Football team’s water cooler spiked with laxatives.
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Date
20021017
119
Time
11:06
A new store selling anti-terrorism goods has opened a few blocks from Ground Zero.
Oh, and this guy thinks that a UFO played some part in the tragedy. I’m looking at his photographic ‘proof’ of the UFO and damn me if it doesn’t look like a Flying Rod.
What’s a Flying Rod? Well, I’m glad you asked.
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Date
20021017
Time
11:13
Saddam wins in election landslide.
Yes, that’s 100% of the vote, people. No pregnant chads here.
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Date
20021017
Time
11:15
Here’s a beautifully comprehesive rundown of the Microsoft ‘switch’ debacle, leading into a few details of similar MS porkies that could very well lead to a new online sport: bull-fishing.
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Date
20021017
Time
11:19
Take heart. Woody Harrelson is out to save the world in a rollicking opinion piece. Oh, and he appears in On an Average Day at the Comedy Theatre, Panton Street, London SW1 until November 3. Box office: 020-7369 1731
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Date
20021017
Time
11:23
I don’t know how the hell I missed this story:
A new perfume has been created in Germany which smells of rancid beer and cigarette butts.
It’s meant to remind you of the glorious day you spent at the last Oktoberfest. Can’t we expect a hint of vomit as well, then?
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Date
20021017
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
11:27
And in Daypop: This wonderfully complete photographic timeline of a growing family.
I was going to blog it yesterday, but I gave up after wasting ages looking for a partner link. (Remember that range of mug shots showing the steady disintegration of a street prostitute? I’m buggered if I can find it…)
UPDATE – Whoops, speak of the devil. I can’t for the life of me find the original, but I just tripped over this animated version which pretty much tells the story.
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Date
20021017
Time
11:33
I know it’s a bit early, but I thought you might need to read these evangelist’s tips for Halloween now (so you have time to stock up on lamb’s blood and such things).
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Date
20021017
Time
11:36
You can’t fire me for wearing a eyebrow ring! I belong to the Church of Body Modification, which not only requires me to wear such things as a sign of faith, but also allows me to sue your ass!
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Date
20021017
Time
11:38
I have no idea what this is about, but it shure is purdy.
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Date
20021017
Time
11:40
Meet Jeef and Tracy. They’re good people. They live right next door. And they smoke pot.
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Date
20021017
Time
13:21
This report on How the Star Wars Galaxy Scores in the Areas of Energy, Garbage and the Environment inspired me to bring that bloody shark back for yet another run.
Remember, starwarskids.com is to blame.
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Date
20021017
Latest Viral Agent
Time
13:32
You see, a little bit of thought has gone into this one – and a fair amount of faith.
Let’s just say that I don’t hate it.
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Date
20021018
Time
10:13
A laff-a-minute court transcript. The defendant in question is accused of stealing 40,000 coat hangers. Impressive. Even the Beatles only managed to steal four.
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Date
20021018
Time
10:18
Oh won’t somebody pleeease think of the web designers?
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Date
20021018
Flash Games
Time
10:20
Play Strip Russian Roulette.
(Link via ultimateinsult.net)
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Date
20021018
Time
10:21
Spam Masquerades as Admin Alerts. Windows Messenger full of holes. Microsoft making money hand over fist. Film at 11.
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Date
20021018
Time
10:24
The ultimate counterscript for victims of persistant telemarketers.
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Date
20021018
Time
10:25
An interesting variation on What’s Wrong With This Picture?
Punctuate your day with a sweet little love song.
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Date
20021018
Time
10:30
Couple sue local authority over ‘vicious’ child.
Seems they didn’t check the tot for the mark of the beast before tagging him as fit for adoption. Instead of cutting the cake at a recent birthday party, he went after his adoptive father with the carving knife. He was 8 at the time.
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Date
20021018
Time
10:38
45-year-old wife fatally bites 65-year-old husband for refusing sex. Her name is Pratt and there’s a picture of this sexy (if somewhat demanding) lass here.
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Date
20021018
Time
10:41
OK, people are dying and it’s all very scary – but I must admit to laughing out loud when I heard snippets of the advice given to Washington residents to avoid sniper attack read out on the news last night, especially this instruction:
“When moving outside, walk briskly in a zigzag pattern.”
Altogether now, it’s: Stagger, stagger, stagger, roll… stagger, stagger, fall down… crawl… stagger, stagger…
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Date
20021018
Time
10:48
Join the Ultimate Life Church today. Their USP appears to be group frottage.
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Date
20021018
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
10:52
I was having so much fun yesterday that I completely forgot to delete some of Tony’s Email. Sorry about that. Let me make it up to you with the following double-hitter.
Today: 1) Kind words from an American who is proud of his British roots disappear forever into the ether. Sorry old chum, but we’re still stuck in the 20th century over here dontchaknow? 2) The second message fairs slightly better in that it was CC’ed to George Bush and John Howard (who, if you remember, both have real email addresses). Perhaps they’ll get the ‘future of the world is in your hands’ and ‘war is not the answer’ message – but Tony won’t.
*delete* *delete*
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Date
20021018
Lycos ‘Viral’ Chart
Time
12:42
Can I just note for the record that this image was doing the rounds about a year ago?
Thanks.
(Oh, here’s a bit of proof. Kind of. Just in case you’re interested. See clicky right down at bottom of page.)
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Date
20021018
Flash Games
Time
14:44
Play Swearing Simon.
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Date
20021018
Photoshopping
Time
15:50
This week’s challenge over at B3ta is Badly Misheard Instructions. As you can probably tell, I’m still on a bit of a Star wars kick…
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Date
20021021
Time
07:33
I’m off to a funeral today, so there will be little or no bloggage. I’ll try not to cry like a bitch or publicly agonise about matters of life and death for weeks afterwards. I know you appreciate it.
BTW, most of you have been wondering, so just allow me to say for the record that it’s a dark load. Luke feels he is ready to face the dark load. There, now you can sleep.
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Date
20021022
Time
09:19
“NOTICE: Daypop will go offline starting Oct. 25 for a couple weeks.”
Shall I be a pedantic ass and let them know about the typo?
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Date
20021022
Time
09:21
Porn store owner closes store and burns $10,000 worth of stock because Jesus told him to. Either that, or he’s trying to dodge charges of advertising and distributing obscene material.
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Date
20021022
Time
09:25
Russian officer receives two-year suspended sentence for beating his troops with a dildo.
Insert ‘privates’ joke here.
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Date
20021022
Time
09:30
Telemarketer claims that telemarketers are people too. No they’re not. They’re scum. At least, they are if they don’t have the decency to be ashamed of what they do for a living.
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Date
20021022
Time
09:34
Locks of Love is a charity that provides hairpieces to ‘financially disadvantaged children’ suffering from long-term medical hair loss. Nice people will be wondering how they can donate their hair. Evil folks (yeah, I’m talkin’ to you, buddy) will want to go straight to the ‘Before & After’ pictures.
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Date
20021022
Time
09:39
Blog detectives and the 1,567,422 theories about the Washington sniper.
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Date
20021022
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
09:41
Jesus H. Christ on crutches! How do these people get anything done?
I can’t give you too many details at the moment, but I can tell you that this is turning out to be a bigger mess than I first thought.
Oh, and emails to Tony are edging ever-closer to maxing out my storage space at another.com, so today I’m just going to delete a dozen emails without even looking at them.
*delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete*
Hm. That wasn’t as much fun as I thought it was going to be. Let’s take a close look at one and delete that as well, shall we?
Ooh, look. Here’s an email from a young man who desperately wants to help in the fight against terrorism, but keeps failing the Army medical. He’s doesn’t want to give up – and has offered to sign a disclaimer making him responsible for all costs should he wash out.
What a shame. Perfect cannon-fodder up for grabs and the boss will never know.
*delete*
Damn, that’s 13 isn’t it? Better do one more, just for luck…
Ooh, lookie – it’s a plea from a young man asking Tony to think again about IR35. He then goes on to whinge about Aussies and Kiwis taking up all the good jobs when they should go back to bar work.
Ahem.
I’m tempted to email him back and point out that I’ve married one of his women, too.
But I shan’t.
*delete*
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Date
20021022
Time
10:15
A rather questionable publicity shot for Star Wars.
Oh, here’s a small collection of blooper images, too.
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Date
20021022
Time
10:57
Boy, this kid has lived!
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Date
20021023
Time
10:28
Proof that Trekkies have infiltrated the U.S. miltary.
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Date
20021023
Time
10:31
Dress your child as a pimp this Halloween. It sure would reduce the embarrassment-factor of Mum having to chaperone on the candy run. All the kid has to do is claim that she’s one of his bitches.
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Date
20021023
Time
10:33
Some detailed background into the Nigerian scam spammers.
Includes some history (it’s been going on for much longer than you would think) and closes with the quite wonderful assertion that the activity is good for Nigeria’s economy.
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Date
20021023
Time
10:37
Bush lies. Well, duh.
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Date
20021023
Time
10:38
Remember the advice given to Washington residents to avoid sniper attack?
Read the observations of a gas-station attendant as he describes the ducking, weaving and dancing of nervous customers doing the ‘Sniper Shuffle’.
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Date
20021023
Time
10:43
Debbie Does Dallas: The Musical
What a shame they took out the only thing that made the movie interesting.
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Date
20021023
Time
10:45
Man robs store in nude after smoking joint dipped in embalming fluid.
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Date
20021023
Time
10:46
Porn stars plan to protest over ‘unjust’ tax on adult entertainment. Insert ‘money shot’ joke here. Insert ‘hehehehe, you just said insert‘ joke here.
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Date
20021023
Time
10:49
SquirrelJumper.com claims to be ‘the leader in squirrel removal, extraction and relocation applications and services.’ Seems a bit harsh is you ask me. And dull. Squirrel fishing is much more fun.
(It should also be noted for the record that there is an entire category dedicated to squirrel humour in many directories. Thank God for the Interwebnet.)
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Date
20021023
Time
10:56
Blackpeopleloveus.com. I think it’s meant to be funny – and possibly enlightening in some way. No matter. Cliff Yablonski still hates them, and that’s the important thing.
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Date
20021023
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
11:02
This morning’s deleted email was mostly about firefighters and the upcoming strike, so I took the added measure of printing a copy and taking it outside for a ceremonial burning. People stared.
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Date
20021023
Time
11:07
I received a particularly insulting/amusing spam this morning. The product was a book with ‘over 200 pages of techniques for successful Internet Marketing’. Now, admittedly, my book is only 106 pages. But it only costs $7.95. The book being plugged in this spam costs $149 (and this is a special offer limited to the next 72 hours). Oh, and it’s being touted by people who spam. In other words, they don’t have a fucking clue what they’re doing. So don’t buy their book. Not that I’m going to tell you where to get it. I can, however, tell you that they ‘collect eMail contact addresses from various publicly available sources’ (in other words, they harvested it from my site or bought from someone who did).
I can also tell you that the people responsible for the spam are The Maverick Partnership (a division of The Which Company Pty Ltd). If you’re a reader from Western Australia, you might wish to visit their office at 42 Wickham Street, East Perth, or maybe drop them a line on 08 6210 1348 and yell ‘asshats!’ down the phone.
I know they’ll appreciate it, just as they knew that I’d appreciate their offer.
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Date
20021024
Time
10:08
Two arrests made in Washington sniper case and sniper complains about ‘incompetent’ authorities. Oh, and radio station follows sniper attack report with ‘Another One Bites the Dust.’
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Date
20021024
Time
10:16
Yet another site riding on the coat-tails of Google: find out what Google thinks of you at googlism.com
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Date
20021024
Time
10:19
Former Clinton aide asks government to declassify records of UFO sightings. Yeah, that’ll happen. Then monkeys will fly out of my butt. Erm, and then sightings of same will end up as classified information.
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Date
20021024
Time
10:22
Some tips for digital photographers.
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Date
20021024
Time
10:24
Firefighter tricked into appearing in porn film. Ahhh, he’s only mad because he didn’t get laid as a result.
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Date
20021024
Time
10:25
The recently updated UK blogs list is back.
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Date
20021024
Time
10:27
A guide to spa etiquette and how to behave in a strip club. For Dog’s sake, don’t get them mixed up.
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Date
20021024
Time
10:29
A list of comments overheard at STD clinics.
It opens with a cracker:
“I have reason to believe my penis was exposed to LSD. When I ejaculate I have flashbacks.”
That’s better than splashbacks, surely?
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Date
20021024
Time
10:31
Cartoons of people tickling each other.
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Date
20021024
Time
10:33
I keep telling my children that manual labour is good for them. Now I’ve got this great guide to rock-picking for kids there’s nothing holding me back. According to this, I can work them like slaves for up to 15 minutes at a time. That’s pretty impressive, seeing as I normally struggle to get their full attention for a microsecond.
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Date
20021024
Latest Viral Agent
Time
10:38
Get jiggy with Cartman’s Boombox.
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Date
20021024
OK, So I’m a Lego Geek
Time
11:34
Hurrah! My Nebulon-B escort frigate is finished at last. I won’t be able to do an update on Lugjam for a while, but I do have a special preview just for you. Isn’t it pretty? Isn’t it awesome? Please feel free to send emails of praise, I worked ever so hard on it.
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Date
20021024
Time
14:49
Here’s an image that’s destined for the gallery:
“Help me Scooby Doo Kenoobi, you’re my only hope!”
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Date
20021025
Time
09:25
You’ll have to pardon me, but I worked my butt of yesterday to clear the decks so the boys and I could go out and play today (it’s the first day of half-term holidays).
So, I won’t be around much, but I can leave you with some desperately unfunny geek humour, the news that Courtney Love’s dog died after eating one of her breast implants, a great 404 page as discovered by The Ultimate Insult (and a bunch of others for those of you who haven’t yet discovered The 404 Research Lab).
Also, I found out today that Tom Jones prefers it when girls throw used panties and Martin got to see the CEO of the RIAA but didn’t throw anything. Perhaps he’d run out of fruit. Or wasn’t wearing any underwear.
Anyway, let’s close with some good advice: It’s probably not a good idea to try and poison your science teacher. They’re too damn clever when it comes to chemicals, and a little paranoid besides.
(Heh. I’ve just thought of the wonderfully smarmy and sadistic Mr Rose for the first time in years. Threatening to rip open your rib cage and pull out internal organs for you to name one by one until you got it right? Now there was a science teacher.)
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Date
20021028
Time
18:41
Oops. Sorry there was no bloggage today. The web server was down this morning, and us boys took off pretty early to see the James Bond exhibition at the Science Museum. I’ll probably do a full review later, but in the meantime let me assure you that it’s not worth £8.95 (for adults). For kids, who are allowed admission at the remarkable knockdown price of £6.95, it’s worth even less. More on this and much bloggage tomorrow, folks.
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Date
20021029
Time
09:01
Today is an Achievement day. Let’s see how many balls I can knock out of the park.
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Date
20021029
Time
09:04
A police officer who used to visit schools dressed as McGruff the Crime Dog has been accused of using the Internet to seek sexual encounters with children.
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Date
20021029
Time
09:07
Female hospital staff sue director over webcam in toilet.
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Date
20021029
Time
09:11
While this is a pretty good list of mistakes in M*A*S*H, it does miss a biggie – the episode in which they take the urban legend about Charles Drew as gospel. Larry Gelbart himself has acknowledged this error in alt.tv.mash
How do I know? I was there at the time.
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Date
20021029
Time
09:18
Winona Ryder’s jury of peers includes Sony Entertainment Pictures Chairman Peter Guber. Oh, and here’s a related image from the photoshopping archive and the Celebrity Bestiality article on this subject for good measure.
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Date
20021029
Time
09:23
MSN and AOL portals relaunch for autumn. Both are still crap, of course, but they look sooooo much prettier.
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Date
20021029
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
09:26
The Weblog Action Centre is getting some well-deserved attention. I’ll send them an email today and see what they make of the whole Tony Blair thing.
Oops, that reminds me. Heres a nice story about emails sent to Saddam Hussein by members of the public.
I just received another alert about my storage capacity at another.com, too – so today I do believe I will delete… (author refers to random number generator running out of the back end of the prime number shitting bear) …today I do believe I will delete 13 of Tony’s emails. Well, I have been slack on deletions lately and, let’s face it, I need the space.
Browsing through them, they mostly appear to be the usual emails about war, but there is an email from one chap who wants Tony to help him set up a new Art Bistro and Internet Cafe in Coseley in the West Midlands. Hmm, better make that but there was an email from one chap who wants Tony to help him set up a new Art Bistro and Internet Cafe in Coseley in the West Midlands.
*delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete* *delete*
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Date
20021029
Time
09:42
Bloody hell. They’ll try anything, won’t they? Spammers target referral logs.
Remarkable that something can be clever and moronic at the same time, isn’t it?
(Oh, and is it just me or has anyone else noticed a pronounced increase in email Spam over the last week?)
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Date
20021029
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:50
B3tans crack it again with The Realistic Internet Simulator.
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Date
20021029
READERS IN LONDON – WE NEED YOU!
Time
11:37
We’re doing a photo shoot in London this Friday folks, and have a few needs to address. To put it simply, if you live in London and maybe want the chance to appear in Viz, then check out this thread over at B3ta and drop me a line.
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Date
20021029
Time
17:21
Marketing in spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!
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Date
20021030
Time
09:04
Blogdex is back with a vengeance, and boy it shure is purdy. I love the ‘year ago today’ feature, and this fabbo Tron costume made a scan through this year-old list well worth it.
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Date
20021030
Time
09:38
Poor old Angus Deayton has been stitched up like a kipper. OK, so he’s a cheating powder-hound, but you really have to take time out to question the motives – and the methods – of the people behind these revelations. Murdoch’s News of the World is the rag behind it. (If you’re not familiar with NoW and what this shameless tit-filled tabloid is capable of, then you might enjoy this delightful story.
Not satisfied with deliberately timing the release of this new information with the broadcast of the new series of Have I Got News For You (thereby ensuring maximum pressure on the BBC to act as they have done by sacking Deayton from the show), NoW actually went so far as to place the girl at the centre of the original scandal – a prostitute by the name of Caroline Martin – in the audience of the show immediately following publication. (She was the lovely lady who helpfully called out ‘Leave him alone!’)
What isn’t widely reported (or, indeed, mentioned at all in any of Murdoch’s papers) is that the original scandal was actually a set-up. Caroline Martin was sent in by News of the World to target Deayton – and a number of other celebrities – in what is known as a ‘honey-trap’.
This is normally the kind of thing you get to read about in Private Eye, but with editor Ian Hislop being so close to the issue, how much detail will be printed in this week’s issue remains to be seen.
Hang on. It’s out today, innit? I might just pop down to the newsgents soon and check it out.
After I’ve finished amusing myself, of course.
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Date
20021030
Time
09:39
More telemarketing fun.
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Date
20021030
Time
09:40
We have a hedghog in our garden, and the little fella appears to be building a nest.
This site showed me how I can help things along.
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Date
20021030
Christianity Watch
Time
09:43
Atheist scout faces the boot. He has a week to decide ‘in his heart’ if he’s truly an atheist. If he sticks to his beliefs, then he’s out. Nice.
Oh, here are some outstandingly naff Christian t-shirts for you to enjoy, too. I must admit, they’re pretty effective. The first thing I thought when I saw this knockout combination of Cafepress and MS Paint was; ‘Oh, for the love of God…’
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Date
20021030
Time
09:48
I’d be more impressed by this ass-kicking machine if it took names as well.
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Date
20021030
Time
09:52
Hmm, looks like Winona didn’t have time to steal underwear.
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Date
20021030
Time
15:30
Those hits out of the park I was after yesterday? There was a pronounced 24-hour delay, but I just got two into the bleachers.
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Date
20021030
Tony Blair’s Email: Deletion of the Hostages
Time
15:31
The deletion of Tony Blair’s email continues (blah, blah, blah).
Today: Someone wanting to know what the Prime Minister is doing to control the growing menace of the date-rape drug Progesterex. Erm, it’s a hoax. And this isn’t Tony Blair’s real email address. Go away.
*delete*
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Date
20021031
Time
09:10
My, how times have changed. MyWay.com thinks that you want a lighter version of Google, and they’re getting quite a bit of support.
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Date
20021031
Time
09:14
Well, that was a waste of 30 seconds.
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Date
20021031
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:15
The Evil Clown Generator. As usual, it featured on B3ta first.
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Date
20021031
Time
09:16
“You wanna see something really scary…?”
Here you go, boys and girls – the ultimate in horror costumes for Halloween. Dress up as a CEO and go door to door engaging in a hostile takeover of every candy provider in your neighbourhood. All you need do is download one of these masks, get yourself an expensive power suit and finish off the ensemble with a few bags of blood-stained money.
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Date
20021031
In the News
Time
09:23
Read about the Dad who used a tramp as an impromptu babysitter and the bank robber who stopped across the road for a quick bite to eat.
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Date
20021031
Time
09:26
A nice ‘thank you’ to record companies, courtesy of Rolling Stone magazine (links to .pdf file).
(Link via ultimateinsult.net)
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Date
20021031
Time
09:29
I had a dream last night that I robbed a convenience store. I’m not sure how much cash I nabbed, but I remember being happy enough getting away with a stick of hot Pepperami and a block of cheese without paying for it. (Why I didn’t grab any crackers or beer is anybody’s guess.)
I had two accomplices, and we made our getaway along a nearby dirt track in an Atlantis-blue Holden Kingswood not unlike this one.
(This information is provided just in case you want to shop me to the dream police.)
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Date
20021031
Christianity Watch
Time
09:35
Heh. Spice up your Bible Study sessions by interpreting old episodes of I Love Lucy. Does it cover wife-beating? I’m keen to find out, but it’s $23 per episode. Ho-hum.
You may also be interested to know that an old marketing technique (slipping your business card as a ‘bookmark’ into related books in your local public library) is being used by overzealous Christians in Maine. They’ve been using Counterfeit bills with quotes from the Bible. Their main target is the gay and lesbian literature section.
No, wait, don’t tell me… Romans 1:26-27, right?
