This entry was posted on
Thursday, October 16th, 2003 at
9:31 am and is filed
under Uncategorized.

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Date
20031016

Time
09:31
Some guy in America caught a ball or something…

ABC News: We don’t know his name. We don’t want to know his name. We hope no one in Chicago ever learns his name.

Smoking Gun: Meet Steve Bartman.

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Date
20031016

Time
09:33
Sorry, my connection is painfully slow this morning. With you in a jiffy.

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Date
20031016
It’s War! And Somebody’s Telling Porkies!
Time
10:22
CBS News: Colin Powell told us lies.

Washington Post: Fox News sold us lies.

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Date
20031016

Time
10:25
Fijian Tribe : Sorry we ate your vicar while he was visiting.

Family puppy: Sorry, I knawed off Junior’s fingers while he was sleeping.

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Date
20031016

Time
10:31
George W Bush: I am deliberately targeting regional media.

US Army: We did not deliberately target regional media.

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Date
20031016

Time
10:38
If you haven’t visited The Memory Hole recently, then do so today.

All sorts of interested stuff is cropping up lately, including the following, listed in their ongoing series of soft-pedalled stories:

Australian PM John Howard has been censured by the Senate for misleading the public in his justification for sending Australia to war with Iraq.

The London New Review Journal also has its teeth sunk into something soft and juicy: an old article from 1998 by George Bush Snr. and Brent Scowcroft explains why the US didn’t attempt to oust Saddam and occupy Iraq following the Gulf War (and this follow-up pretty much nails the scan as genuine):

“Going in and occupying Iraq, thus unilaterally exceeding the U.N.’s mandate, would have destroyed the precedent of international response to aggression we hoped to establish. Had we gone the invasion route, the U.S. could conceivably still be an occupying power in a bitterly hostile land.”

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Date
20031016

Time
10:54
Don’t follow this link. It will lead you to the new archive of still images at britishpathe.com that is currently being crushed by overwhelming demand. Bookmark it for later. If you need something to tide you over, this small preview at the BBC website should tide you over.

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Date
20031016

Time
11:00
Personal publishing, community sites, and online newspaper archives make it extremely easy to catch up on old friends and acquaintances with no more than a quick Googling – but what happens if you find out they died years ago without bothering to tell you?

This makes me wonder if anyone will bother to store and display Bloggerheads in its entirety long after I’m gone.

Unlikely.

Equally unlikely is any kind of showing in The Guardian’s weblog competition.

FunJunkie have their category list. Here’s mine:

Best Design: You’ve seen the archives, yes?

Best Specialist (which applies to any blog about a single topic): A single topic? Here? Hmmm, let me see… marketing, politics, religion… um.. weblogs?

Best Under 18: Maybe in dog years

Best Use of Photography: For one brief, shining moment I thought this was Best Use of Pornography. Oh well.

Best Written: Modesty forbids me.

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Date
20031016

Time
11:20
Wordlab takes a look at Abbey National’s very expensive rebranding effort.

A lesson I learned a long, long, time ago: the bank that plays on your emotions the most is the one that you should trust the least.

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Date
20031016
The End of Democracy
Time
11:27
The Independent’s excellent expose on Republican-controlled e-voting still hasn’t broken as a story in the US.

Watch what bloggers are saying about it here and here.

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Date
20031016
Video
Time
13:17
I got very, very excited when I first found Retromedia (via The Ultimate Insult). Then I saw this:

“All Retromedia.tv video clips are Real Media”

I removed RealPlayer (or RealOnePLayer whatever the heck they’re calling it these days) from my system a long time ago, and it will never – ever – go anywhere near one of my hard drives again.

Still, if you have it on your system, it may just hold together long enough for you to enjoy one or two clips from what looks like an excellent collection.

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Date
20031016

Time
13:26
Meet William “Jerry” Boykin, one of Bush’s key generals in the war on terror.

Here are his views on George Jnr.:

“Why is this man in the White House? The majority of Americans did not vote for him. Why is he there? And I tell you this morning that he’s in the White House because God put him there for a time such as this.”

!

They’re equally dumbstruck over at Eschaton.

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Date
20031016

Time
15:33
A child’s view of the Iraq war.

UPDATE – You’ll have to excuse me. I thought this image required a minor adjustment.

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Date
20031016
Search Engine Optimisation
Time
18:05
My second SEO seminar is tomorrow. Bloggage will be light as a result.

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Date
20031017
Weapons of Mass Distraction
Time
18:37
I find The Sun’s ‘Shop a Yob’ campaign to be obscene.

This is yet another case of Rupert Murdoch doing his best to keep the populace busy while Blair gets away with lie after lie after lie.

Interesting also that they’ve found the perfect poster child in Michael Carroll.

I bet I can name someone richer than Michael who does more damage to society on a daily basis.

You should read up on Sun editor Rebekah Wade a bit, too. A dangerous woman in a very influential position.

In fact, ‘Shop a Yob’ angered me so much that I simply had to make the following poster as therapy.

You can get yourself a nice, large copy for your home or workplace by clicking here.

Download, print, display and enjoy.

I know it made me feel a heck of a lot better (and if you like, I can do a new one for Murdoch on Monday).

Cheers all.

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Date
20031020
Can Weblogs…? – Baring Your Bum at Bush
Time
09:54
Telegraph: Plans for the Queen and George W Bush to make a triumphant procession along the Mall during the president’s state visit next month have been abandoned because of fears of anti-war protests.

Bush has had to drop plans to address Parliament. He was going to bring his bulletproof Cadillac along, but now it looks like he’ll have to travel by helicopter everywhere. If indeed, there is anywhere left to go once we’re through with him.

One step at a time, folks. One step at a time. He may even cancel (no doubt blaming an unspecified terrorist threat) if this kind of thing keeps up:

In Thailand, the spirit of George W Bush has been trapped in a clay pot and tossed into a river after being cursed by hundreds of farmers.

He’s due in Australia in a couple of days. Give him hell.

UPDATE – Hmmm. Travel by helicopter. Sounds like we should be painting a few rooftops…

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Date
20031020
Anyone but George
Time
10:00
Finally, a leader we can believe in.

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Date
20031020

Time
10:01
What? More Bush? Sorry, folks – but I simply can’t let this one pass:

Bush Sr.’s ‘message’ to Bush Jr.

The 2003 George Bush Award for Excellence in Public Service is to be awarded to anti-Iraq war Democrat Ted Kennedy.

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Date
20031020
Flash Games
Time
10:06
Indiana Jones and the Lawsuit Waiting To Happen! Play it while you can…

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Date
20031020
Rupert ‘The Evil One’ Murdoch
Time
10:12
Friday’s ‘Shop a Nob’ turned out to be pretty popular, so here – as promised – is a Murdoch follow-up.

There’s a large version for printing and displaying here.

Enjoy.

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Date
20031020
Tony Blair’s Email
Time
10:17
Blair’s heart problem dominates papers.

You know where to send your get-well messages, right? I know it’s been a bad year, but please try to be nice. When the irregular heartbeat thingie was mentioned in the pub last night, I almost got lynched for muttering; “Well, maybe if he used the bloody thing more often…”

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Date
20031020

Time
10:32
This is probably all you’ll see out of me today. I’m busy as all hell.

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Date
20031020

Time
12:01
Bloody hell. They’ll get us all microchipped one way or another…

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Date
20031020
The End of Democracy
Time
12:54
Still no mainstream coverage in the US about Republican/corporate-controlled e-voting. Oh well. At least they know about it in New Zealand.

Perhaps Diebold’s reputation for ‘zero tolerance’ has something to do with it:

Slashdot: Diebold issues Cease and desist notice to upstream provider of San Francisco Indymedia for having links to mirrors of leaked internal memo.

Sydney Morning Herald: EFF to defend Indymedia and its providers against claims of indirect copyright infringement made by Diebold.

Oh, and while I’ve got your attention, Arnie has found the time to appear in one small movie before taking office:

The Rise of The Digital Voting Machines

UPDATE – This is the link you’ll be wanting to share today.

Cheers all.

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Date
20031020

Time
13:32
Wahey! Thanks to offmessage for this marvellous discovery:

MIT researchers plan online database to help citizens track the activities of government organisations.

An early version of the system is here. Bookmark it.

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Date
20031020

Time
15:13
I’m sure the folks at Jali won’t mind if I have a public smirk at their helpful guide to using the Interwebnet.

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Date
20031020

Time
15:18
A Polaroid photography project that deserves to go on and on and on and on and on and… (link via Rogi)

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Date
20031020
Shop a Nob
Time
17:10
Shop a Nob now has its own special page. I’m going to be very busy this week, but I may have time to knock out a few more based on your nominations. You know the address…

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Date
20031020
Photoshopping
Time
17:31
Get your work on the cover of The Face.

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Date
20031020

Time
17:32
Remember Franks Burns ranting into his walkie-talkie in the classic M*A*S*H episode The Bus?

“I’ve got the enemy, sir! I can hear their secrets!”

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Date
20031021
Emailing Tony
Time
09:17

Dear Tony,

Two things occurred to me this morning:

1 – There are still a few nutters who are convinced that tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk is your real email address, and they continue to hammer this address with all sorts of garbage on a semi-daily basis (as they have done over the past 18 months). I haven’t forwarded any of these emails in the past, and I certainly have no plans to direct them to the new email facility, as they’ll only eat up valuable bandwidth and manpower.

Oops – speak of the devil. I just now received an email from one of your regulars. Here’s a sample of what you’re missing out on:

“To have peace, Israel must defeat the Arab Muslims in war, because the Arabs Muslims don’t want peace.”

2 – Rather than simply demand the introduction of an email facility, I did my best to actually specify a system that would be useful not only to web users, but also your good self. Your IT team has shamelessly ripped of these specifications and claimed the credit. To tell the truth, I expected no less of them, but all the same a little bloody gratitude wouldn’t go astray.

I figure both of the above factors give me the right to – for a while at least – drop you an email on a regular basis to let you know what’s going on in the world and bug you with a few things that keep me awake at night.

First of all, I’d like to express my concern for your health and well-being. I arrived in the UK in 1998 and since then you appear to have aged in dog years before my very eyes. Your recent heart scare may be part of this, or it may not. On Sunday night, I watched a bit of them cutting Blaine loose from his little Perspex box. Watching the footage of those who attended this stunt on a regular basis and reading the signs they erected in support (“David Your A Star!”) was amusing in itself, but when Blaine stood up and said that he learned to appreciate all the simple things in life like “a smile from a strange one” I damn near had a fit. Is this what happened to you?

Oh, I read that Blaine was playing chess with some homeless guy throughout. Here’s a link that tells the story of how this started – and why it stopped:

http://headlessness.com/belowtheabove.htm

While we’re mentioning links, here’s another one that might interest you… Microsoft has announced ‘leak-proof’ e-mail. As the article notes, this may help to avoid another Jo Moore incident – or it may not. We *are* talking about Microsoft Screendoor Technology here:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/3205080.stm

Also on the technology front, you may wish to keep your distance from George W Bush. I’ll talk about his upcoming visit in another email, but in the meantime you do need to be aware that he and his corporate mates are about to get done for major electoral fraud. The many Republican connections of the main company involved – Diebold – are interesting, as are the many shortcomings of the system itself. When we get e-voting in the UK, will the technology be provided by Diebold, or by a more reliable and impartial company such as Capita?

http://news.independent.co.uk/world/americas/story.jsp?story=452972

http://silicon.com/news/500022/1/6368.html

I watched the announcement of the top 21 books from The Big Read with interest. Someone suggested that I run a campaign to ensure high placement for George Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-Four, but to be honest it was more important to me that the book be judged fairly on its own merit. It may not be the best book, but in the times we live in, it certainly is the most important. I was disappointed that they chose Jo bloody Brand as the book’s champion and played the Big Brother theme over most of the presentation. It all seemed so cheap, tawdry and misguided. As anybody who has read the book will know, the hijacking of Big Brother’s image as entertainment that actually trains us to watch other people is pretty damn ironic.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/arts/bigread/vote/

It also encourages the cult of celebrity that’s doing society so much damage at the moment. A lot of kids are growing up with the impression that fame for its own sake is a worthy aspiration. God forbid they should want to actually achieve anything first. I read some interesting thoughts that dallied on this subject in Pravda this morning, and though you might enjoy it:

http://english.pravda.ru/mailbox/22/98/387/11109_politics.html

(BTW, your fake email address gets an awful amount of spam from Russia. I’m not quite sure why, but if you ever need drugs that will make your penis larger or a degree from the Krasnogorsk Language School, just let me know and I’ll send a few on.)

After the Pravda thing, I tripped over this neat-o story about a policeman who recognised the prostitute he was arresting as a girl that he used to baby-sit:

http://www.sptimes.com/2003/10/19/Floridian/Girl_next_door.shtml

Then I visited the Museum of Coathangers:

http://homepage.mac.com/marchesbaugh/moch/intro.html

After that I kind of lost the plot, so this first letter is going to trail off with very little point.

Sorry about that.

Until tomorrow…

Tim Ireland

www.bloggerheads.com

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Date
20031021
Video
Time
10:34
“Saaayve the gorillas, your money for their life…” Oh dear.

(Requires Quicktime.)

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Date
20031021

Time
11:58
New Statesman: “If the first threat to childhood is poor protection from the real dangers posed by commercialisation, the second is overprotection from the mostly imaginary dangers beyond the front door.”

Spot. On. Read more.

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Date
20031021
Tony Blair’s Email
Time
12:12
The email below hasn’t been sent to Tony yet, because his email facility fell on its arse this morning. No matter; it’ll keep. However…

What really rubs me the wrong way is the way his IT team deliberately ignore me. I sent them an email this morning (to an address provided on one of those rare occasions when they saw fit to acknowledge my existence) to let them know that the service wasn’t running properly. Soon after, the following message appeared on the website:

“This service is currently unavailable, please try again later. Please accept our apologies for any inconveneience. No10 Webteam”

But did they email me back and say ‘thank you’? No, they sodding well didn’t. Just like they didn’t email me to let me know about the launch of the bloody service – as they promised they would.

OK, I’m willing to accept that perhaps a bunch of people emailed in to let them know about this, but I just emailed them again with the following:

You mis-spelled ‘inconvenience’

and…

Perhaps you could also add:

“One day we will do Tim Ireland the courtesy of returning his bloody emails and thanking him for his input.”

The offending typo was corrected within minutes, but did I get a reply?

No, I sodding well didn’t.

Thanks, ‘No10 Webteam’. You just keep pretending that I don’t exist and watch what happens.

UPDATE – The attached Photoshop does not imply a specific threat; it just makes me feel better.

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Date
20031021
Yet Another Lame Quiz
Time
13:02
Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse are You?

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Date
20031021

Time
13:13
Richard Allan presents a word or two – and a link or two – on electronic voting.

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Date
20031022
Emailing Tony
Time
09:28

Dear Tony,

Did you go to bed early last night, or did you stay up to watch that BBC documentary about racism in the police force? I did the latter myself, and found it quite interesting. I didn’t focus on the racism much. What struck me most was the sheer *cowardice*. The abuse of authority by people who are unhappy with their dismal little lives.

To many police, the distinctive helmet they get to wear in this country not only looks like, but acts like, a form of penis extension. Quite fitting when you consider where it’s placed, because being a policeman can really bring out the dickhead in some people:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/3208310.stm

But to be fair, the same can be said of ticket inspectors, parking officers and anyone else in a job where the only real reward is the ability to dish out a little personal – and often selective – justice.

Rooting out racism in the police force is a fine aim but, as Deputy Chief Constable Alan Green quite rightly points out, they can’t do a heck of a lot when they recruit from the community (where the problems come from in the first place). Socialism is meant to address this by ensuring a more just and equitable system, thereby reducing the fear and desperation that drives such behaviour, but as we all know socialism is a dirty word that has no place in New Labour (soon to be re-branded ‘Conservatism Lite’).

Perhaps the solution is cloning police officers from reliable stock, or genetically modifying them in some way. Is there a gene responsible for making people act like tossers the moment they get a uniform on? A little research goes a long way, and I think it’s worth looking into – especially as ‘GM Police’ has such a nice ring to it:

http://www.gmp.police.uk/

That Diebold thing is still kicking around, even though it hasn’t quite broken as a mainstream story in the US. Yet.

Diebold has hit out by issuing ‘cease and desist’ orders to sites that dare to cast light on their dirty doings. Good luck to them, I say. A campaign of civil disobedience has kicked up, the aim of which is to ensure ongoing public access to the leaked memos that clearly show that Diebold has created a system that allows anyone with access to add and delete votes without detection:

http://www.scoop.co.nz/mason/stories/WO0310/S00237.htm

http://www.theinquirer.net/?article=12261

Onto other matters, I want to talk to you about this whole anti-social behaviour thing you’ve got running. Do you, like the police, genuinely support The Sun’s disgraceful ‘Shop a Yob’ campaign? You know what happened last time Rebekah Wade got her teeth into something like this. How long do you think it’s going to be before someone takes the law into their own hands or – even worse – eases their fear by targeting the wrong youth on the basis of a low resolution image they saw in the local shop window?

I found a nice article from The Guardian on this subject when I was checking search results for ‘shop a yob’ in Google this morning and thought you should read it:

http://media.guardian.co.uk/presspublishing/story/0,7495,1065602,00.html

My little page on this subject has just gone live in the database and is in 2nd place for this search query, which is nice. I like using my powers for good, rather than evil. In fact, you’ll want to keep an eye on me during the next election. The moment the bullshit starts flying, I plan on being right there returning fire with a Google-powered tennis racquet. Prepare to duck.

https://www.bloggerheads.com/yob.asp

Finally, I do want to express my ongoing concern for your health. I hope the wobbly you threw *was* caused by a caffeine overdose, but would suggest that you do your best to avoid stress in future, as this may well have been a major contributing factor.

In fact, I found a nifty gadget yesterday that will help you to reduce the strain of confrontational situations in the Commons. It’s this nifty little electronic voicebox called ‘Mr T In Your Pocket’, that will let you return fire with all-purpose phrases such as ‘Shut up, fool’ and ‘Don’t gimme no back talk, sucka’ without stressing out and without wasting valuable oxygen:

http://www.iwantitcheaper.com/2728/144/buy-gadgets.htm

Anyway, that’s about it for this morning. I do want to talk to you very soon about George’s upcoming visit, but it’ll keep for now.

Cheers

Tim Ireland

www.bloggerheads.com

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Date
20031022

Time
09:36
Good old Nick (who’s a subject editor for Xcalibre, portal of the gifted and talented) found this guide to using the Internet from a manufacturer of radiator cabinets most useful, and wanted to share the following with you:

Arriva presents: How To Use a Bus

Sample:

“When the bus approaches your bus stop the number and destination of the service will be displayed on the front of the vehicle. To stop the bus simply signal to the driver by raising your arm and step aboard.”

They forgot to add ‘when the bus stops‘ and ‘when the door opens‘.

They also forgot to mention that their buses don’t always stop – especially when they’re driven by tossers who decide that you’re not worth stopping for because you’ve made an official complaint about one of their co-workers.

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Date
20031022
The Impeachment of George W Bush
Time
10:52
“George W. Bush is a liar. He has lied large and small. He has lied directly and by omission. He has misstated facts, knowingly or not. He has misled. He has broken promises, been unfaithful to political vows. Through his campaign for the presidency and his first years in the White House, he has mugged the truth—not merely in honest error, but deliberately, consistently, and repeatedly to advance his career and his agenda. Lying greased his path toward the White House; it has been one of the essential tools of his presidency.”

From the introduction of The Lies of George W. Bush by David Corn – the next book on my shopping list. When payday comes around. (Being a wage slave is so tiresome.)

You can check out the offical website here.

Buying this book by either of the links below supports the Bloggerheads beer fund:

Buy The Lies of George W. Bush in the US

Buy The Lies of George W. Bush in the UK

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Date
20031022

Time
13:54
Stand back everyone! The fuse is lit! (Link via Tom Watson.)

Heh. Tim Yeo as party chairman, anyone? Party leader?

PM one day, maybe?

Oooh, this is going to be fun.

UPDATE – Ahahahahahahaha! Look at the ad that’s started turning up recently on the Tim Yeo Weblog.

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Date
20031022
Photoshopping
Time
14:12
Today’s ‘most emailed’ image at Yahoo was in need of improvement.

UPDATE – Here, have another on me.

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Date
20031022

Time
16:22
Hooray for fake doctors armed with WH Smith scissors!

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Date
20031023
Emailing Tony
Time
10:53

Dear Tony,

This is only my third email to you, but I get the feeling that we have already begun to bond. Of course, I could be wrong. You may think I’m an outright nutcase, but at least I’m not this far gone. Yet.

http://www.sarcasmoscorner.com/2003_10_01_archive.html#106684442166057684

I must admit to losing it from time to time. In fact, as serious as the implications of growing and Labour-weighted quangos are, I just can’t get Engelbert Humperdink’s voice out of my head every time I hear that bloody word (that second link is a special one for you, our leading axemaster):

http://www.epolitix.com/

http://www.theguitarguy.com/quandoqu.htm

So, let’s move on, shall we?

Can you please spare a moment of your time addressing the matter of Iraq’s debt? I watched a cracking programme about it on Channel 4 last night, and must admit to not releasing how serious the issue is before now:

http://www.mtcp.co.uk/debtcollector/

You’ve stated quite clearly that freedom and democracy is the aim in Iraq. A country this deep in debt can never be free. Any privatisation established without the backing of its people only serves to destabilise democracy. Besides, it seems a little unfair to ask for Saddam’s victims to cough up for debt he accrued when buying weapons, palaces, and shiny new torture chambers. Anybody who backed his regime financially should, in my opinion, kiss that money goodbye as a bad investment. Pretty much everything the money was spent on is gone. We bombed the hell out of it, remember?

Speaking of bad investments, are you seriously thinking of continuing your close relationship with George W. Bush? His visit to the UK in November looks like it’s going to be an unmitigated disaster – for both of you. You’ve already had to cancel addresses in the Houses of Parliament and a parade because of protest threats. I mean, if I were planning a barbeque and found out that I had to do without a flame grill, beer *and* potato salad, I’d really be thinking seriously about calling the whole thing off. Really, what’s the point of this happy-faced masquerade?

In Australia, they had to lock members of the public out of Parliament House:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/worldlatest/story/0,1280,-3299166,00.html

This didn’t stop a couple of pesky Greens from having their say, but in the end you have to consider that they went to all this bum-licking effort just so Bush could thank *Austria* for their support. Seriously, the guy’s an effing moron.

Oh, and his comments regarding vocal dissent in the chamber…?

“I love free speech,” Bush said to laughter.

I would dare to suggest that MPs laughed because They. Knew. He. Was. Joking.

Are we really going to greet this man as an honoured guest? How many millions of pounds will it cost us as taxpayers for a ‘security’ operation primarily designed to keep protestors at a distance? And, if you don’t mind me asking, how many British mice are going to have to put their lives at risk during this visit?

http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/MAN84422.htm

The US is currently under the control of private corporations – and religious fanatics:

http://journal.lnreview.co.uk/archives/000066.shtml

Their troops are coming home from Iraq in coffins, but nobody is allowed to see it:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A55816-2003Oct20.html

Democracy has effectively ceased to exist in their country, but nobody is allowed to hear about it:

http://www.commondreams.org/headlines03/1013-01.htm

Here at home, most folks are desperately holding their bladders until Hutton makes good with his findings, but you and I both know what the result is going to be.

Fine, let the visit go ahead if you must – but do me favour and consider this:

Your only chance to survive is to repent. Now.

Let Bush come. Arrest the fucker the moment his plane hits the tarmac, and demand the immediate introduction of free and democratic elections in the US.

You’ll come out of it looking like a bloody hero, trust me.

Kind Regards,

Tim Ireland

www.bloggerheads.com

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031023

Time
12:03
Encouraging independent Iraqi trade unions? Now there’s a mighty fine idea, and a significant signpost on the road to democracy (link via Tom).

“Facing an estimated seven million unemployed, a collapsed economy, and the need to build up a new society from scratch, the Iraqi unions face enormous challenges.”

Hmmm. I bet I can name one.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031023

Time
12:24
See Walt Disney’s original plans for for EPCOT (link via Steve).

Did you know ‘EPCOT’ stood for ‘Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow’? I didn’t.

And you know what? I’ve looked and looked and looked through the maps and plans, but I can’t find the Super Happy Fun Detention Centre anywhere.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031023

Time
12:28
Tony Blair says: “We have different practices in this country to the United States and, as you know, I don’t follow them slavishly in all respects.”

So, just most respects then, is it?

(Thanks to Mark for the link.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031023

Time
13:00
I know it’s all been terribly political today, but really feel I should share an excerpt of this entry from Baghdad Burning with you:

“Ever since the occupation, employees of the Ministry of Oil are being searched by troops – and lately, dogs… Today, one of the women who work at the ministry, Amal, objected when the troops brought forward a dog to sniff her bag. She was carrying a Quran inside of it and to even handle a Quran, a Muslim has to be ‘clean’ or under ‘widhu’. ‘Widhu’ is the process of cleansing oneself for prayer or to read from the Quran. We simply wash the face, neck, arms up to the elbows and feet with clean water and say a few brief ‘prayers’. Muslims carry around small Qurans for protection and we’ve been doing it more often since the war- it gives many people a sense of security. It doesn’t not mean the person is a ‘fundamentalist’ or ‘extremist’.”

It’s at this stage I feel I need to remind some people of the fuss kicked up when certain Australians (*gasp*) actually dared to touch the Queen.

It also needs to be pointed out that dogs have been known to stick their noses in other dog’s bottoms and even lick their own testicles from time to time. And, if the readership of Popbitch is to be believed, this one probably started its morning with a relaxing handjob. Still, for some funny reason, Islam considers dogs to be unclean.

So, with that in mind…

“As soon as Amal protested about letting the dog sniff her bag because of the Quran inside, the soldier grabbed the Quran, threw it out of the bag and proceeded to check it. The lady was horrified and the dozens of employees who were waiting to be checked moved forward in a rage at having the Quran thrown to the ground. Amal was put in hand-cuffs and taken away and the raging mob was greeted with the butts of rifles.”

Result? Bingo. Yup, there you go.

I’m sure they’ll all settle down when the first McDonald’s goes up, though. It’s hard to stay uptight about such things when you get a free toy with your Happy Meal.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031023

Time
13:20
A cracker of a story from science class over at Scaryduck today. It’s almost like being there, which is a damn fine thing considering that Mrs Shagwell’s arse plays such a pivotal role.

One day I’ll tell you all about Mr Matthews and the greased nipples. One day. When you’re older. Maybe.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031023

Time
13:55
“A staggering US$4 billion in oil revenues and other Iraqi funds earmarked for the reconstruction of the country has disappeared into opaque bank accounts administered by the US-controlled body that rules Iraq. By the end of the year, if nothing changes in the way this cash is accounted for, that figure will double.”

Christian Aid is calling on Tony Blair to deliver on his promises of financial transparency in dealings with Iraqi oil. I’ll try and make time to mention it to him tomorrow…. right now I’ve got a mind full of greased nipples.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031023

Time
14:22
Would one of my German readers care to track down the thread at this forum where Bloggerheads is mentioned? I’m detecting a fair bit of traffic from there, but there’s no search function and trying to dig through the all-deutsch topics is likely to do my head in.

UPDATE. Heh. JPEG Baby. I should have known. Thanks, ScaryDuck.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031023
Bush visits Australia
Time
18:05
Read about it, and see images of protestors.

Read more at Yahoo, and see a photo of John Howard kissing arse.

See a video of Bush being heckled by Senator Bob Brown.

See a photo of Senator Bob Brown rejecting ejection.

Hey, good news! Australia has been upgraded from deputy sheriff, to sheriff.

Oh, and ‘a man of steel’ is Texan for ‘fair dinkum’.

Christ, he really is a moron, isn’t he?

Congratulations to every Australian who had the gumption to stand up and speak out. You’ve earned yourselves a beer, you fair dinkum men and women of steel.

UPDATE – The follow-up interview with US ambassador Tom Schieffer (with the boring bits taken out):

“Good speech… good speech… positive speech… moving speech… speech about what is good… I think people were moved by the speech.”

The transcript of that speech is here. Terrorism is carefully woven into the justification for the illegal invasion of Iraq. Again.

Here, the Australian police explain why a bit of argy-bargy was ‘necessary’ and give some details of related arrests. Bicycles and plastic webbing? Yeah, sounds like serious measures to keep terrorists at bay to me.

Bush protected by Armed fighter jets with a ‘licence to kill’! Ah, now that’s more like it!

To wrap it up, here’s a shedload of related media, courtesy of the Sydney Morning Herald, and a range of audio files courtesy of news.com.au – listen to Bush’s speech to hear him say ‘Austria’ instead of ‘Australia’ at least twice.

Oh, and check out this map of the exclusion zone to see open democracy in action. Oh yes, Bush loves free speech. When it’s out of bloody earshot, that is.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031023

Time
18:10
George Galloway has been expelled from the Labour Party.

Of course, as we all know, it was George Galloway’s words that brought the Labour Party into disrepute. Tony Blair’s actions had nothing to do with it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024
Emailing Tony
Time
09:31

Dear Tony,

Congratulations. This is a bloody good start. Can we have more of this, please?

“Network Rail will today announce that it is taking all maintenance on Britain’s railways in-house, axing more than £1.3bn of private contracts in a move likely to be viewed as a step towards ‘renationalisation’ of the system”:

http://politics.guardian.co.uk/publicservices/story/0,11032,1070044,00.html

Privatisation of utilities the public relies on is a bad idea. Service, reliability and safety usually go out the window as a result. You can set up as many watchdogs as you like, but the fact remains that the first priority of any private company is profit – and now a lot of these companies know that they can not only strip these facilities clean, but also rely on taxpayers bailing them out from time to time. It’s ridiculous. It also sets us on an inevitable march towards corporate slavery.

Think I’m overreacting? This is the kind of crap they’d *like* to get away with:

http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/media/story.jsp?story=455650

This is the kind of thing they *are* getting away with:

http://www.fcw.com/geb/articles/2003/1020/web-diebold-10-23-03.asp

You know how different politics is in the US. There, the system is so far gone that candidates need to amass a serious amount of moolah before they can run for office. What kind of people do they get in charge as a result? Bingo.

Here, any man can step forward and run for office. For now. But they can still be cut down by powerful media magnates like Rupert Murdoch and the soon-to-be-reformed-the-moment-he-can-unload-at-a-profit porn merchant Richard Desmond.

You do know Richard Desmond, right? He’s the chap that donates all that money to the Labour Party:

http://media.guardian.co.uk/express/story/0,7521,1040560,00.html

http://media.guardian.co.uk/express/story/0,7521,714743,00.html

You really do need to be more careful when choosing your friends.

And with that, my dearest Tony, we get back onto the subject of the upcoming visit of George W. Bush. You can cut back public appearances and cordon us off as much as you like, but we *will* have our day, and we *will* have our say:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,3-865532,00.html

http://indymedia.org.uk/en/2003/10/279398.html

Do you want to be a leader? Do you want to stand tall? Then stop bending over for media magnates, corporations and those who support their rise to power.

Cheers

Tim Ireland

www.bloggerheads.com

PS – George Galloway? Oh boy, you really fucked up there. Did London’s Mayoral Elections teach you nothing?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/talking_point/3208577.stm

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024

Time
09:35
Has anybody else noticed that The Sun is happy to show tits on page 3 – and even in the bloody comics section – but they still can’t bring themselves to print the word fuck?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024
Can Weblogs…? – Baring Your Bum at Bush
Time
09:51
Indymedia is on the case, and Joe Momma is preparing some soft, gooey pretzels.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:51
Donald Rumsfeld has no idea how the War on Terror is going.

Glenn Reynolds thinks that – important as it is – this memo shouldn’t have been leaked.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024
Christianity Watch
Time
09:59
Reverend Stephen White, infamous for preaching against homosexuality and sexual promiscuity at Yale and other college campuses, was arrested in June after he allegedly offered $20 to a 14-year-old boy for permission to perform oral sex on him.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024

Time
10:02
Ten geekiest hobbies named. Blogging doesn’t get a mention; neither does Lego.

Still, I score two points for Star Wars and comic books. That’s got to count for something.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024

Time
10:06
Victorian-era robots. Riveting stuff. (Link via Ultimate Insult.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024
The Political Weblog Movement
Time
10:11
Have a flutter on the Tory Party leadership.

Heh. I amuses me greatly that every time Tim Yeo makes the news, there’s a traffic spike at the Tim Yeo weblog from people wondering who the hell he is. Is the new website he promised built yet? I can’t see it.

Oh, and I suggested to William Hague back in March that he stand again for leadership. Laugh if you like, but I think the man has masses of untapped potential and some effective opposition is badly needed in this country.

If you think this is a good idea, you can get in touch with him and tell him so.

Tell him I sent you. I’ve been trying to get him to start a weblog so you can all see what you’re missing.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024

Time
10:35
Police have told people wanting to see Concorde’s last flight to stay away from Heathrow airport. And surrounding areas. And the M25, just to be sure.

This is beacuse it will be too crowded, not because the event is a top-notch target for terrorists that may or may not exist.

The last three Concordes will arrive together at Heathrow Airport at around 3.55pm GMT. The approach is planned from the east, but they should be passing close enough to Wisley for me to get an eyefull.

Rogi has a bunch more on this today. I get the feeling he’s going to miss Concorde…

UPDATE – Man converts £800 of biscuits into flight on Concorde.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024

Time
11:32
Breaking News: Pope still not dead. He is, however, looking awfully relaxed.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024

Time
11:36
I’m with Nick. George Galloway should go for it and force a by-election.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024

Time
12:03
What’s the most evil prank you ever played?

This one isn’t necessarily evil, it just happens to be my favourite.

As a DJ, I used to have a real problem with people ‘borrowing’ my cigarettes when I wasn’t looking.

Solution was as follows…

Equipment required:

– 1 cigarette

– 1 match or toothpick

– Scissors (optional)

– 1 standard party popper

Instructions:

– Squeeze front of party popper to displace cardboard shield, extract confetti/paper

– Use match/toothpick to push string and small cardboard tube through stem and extract through large opening

– Carefully cut/bite string from small cardboard tube (this is the charge)

– Take cigarette and push/twist match/toothpick into open end to make neat hole for charge

– Push charge into cigarette (if you do it carefully and correctly, the tobacco at the top will close over it, hiding it from sight)

– Place cigarette back in pack and wait for victim

(If it’s your pack, the fag with the charge is easy to spot if you know what you’re looking for.)

Normally the charge will go off by the 4th or 5th drag. The bang is so loud that it can clearly be heard at distances of up to 30ft in a busy nightclub. The cigarette itself will remain intact at the base, but splay comically at the tip/middle with shreds of paper that provide the perfect dressing to one very stunned faced.

But don’t try it at home home, OK kids?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024
Viral Marketing
Time
13:28
This is simple. This is quality. It uses existing client assets to create something familar, yet unique.

But…

1 – ‘Send to a friend’ is there, but where’s the link referral mechanism?

2 – I think the ad for the movie could be a little bit bigger.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024

Time
13:33
“America produces a quarter of the world’s carbon dioxide emissions, the population has risen by 100 million since 1970 and when an area three times the size of Britain was recently opened up for mining, drilling, logging and road building, no one took much notice.” (Probably because it was announced late one Friday afternoon, a little too late for the Fear at 11.)

“And what does the Bush administration do? It ignores all attempts to curb environmental damage.”

Matthew Engel reports on how America is ravaging the planet in The Guardian.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024
Search Engine Optimisation
Time
13:39
Google ‘nearly ready’ to float.

And here’s a fun reaction from a borderline Orlowskian.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024
Christianity Watch
Time
15:36
Senior Catholic theologian claims that masturbation is like owning a Ferrari and driving only in first gear.

Check out the post at Greenfairy (where I found this) and the related comments. It’ll make your afternoon.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024
Goodbye, Concorde
Time
15:49
This is so cool. Concordes are circling in the sky above Wisley as we speak.

UPDATE – That was great. All three came over Wisley in a wide arc on their final approach. Blue skies (rare at this time of year) and a great view. One for permanent storage.

As of now, memories and facsimiles are all we have left.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024

Time
16:05
Behold the origin of NoHands!

Oh, and this is a great conker simulator, too. Too bad they don’t know how to spell ‘unlucky’…

Thank you, B3ta.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031024

Time
16:18
Thanks, NTK, for bringing this neglected corner of the web to my attention.

Don’t count on it being fixed anytime soon. Lycos promised to include an opt-in/out function on Fight Club registration almost two years ago. I’m still waiting.

Oh, and plugs in the newsletter? Works for me. I. Want. One.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031027
Emailing Tony
Time
09:24

Dear Tony,

Can you and your mate George please do me a favour and stop talking about the war in Iraq in the past tense? This ongoing denial is really starting to get on my nerves:

http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/meast/10/26/sprj.irq.hotel/

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/3216539.stm

You really can’t blame IDS for being in his own little ‘lalalalalalalait’snothappeninglalalalala’ world lately. He’s seen you keep your job after an illegal war where thousands of innocent people died, but he’s about to lose his over a measly 12K. Personally, I’d find that a little hard to accept, too:

http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/politics/story.jsp?story=457349

It sure will be interesting if Tim Yeo beats the odds and scores the top spot. Then I’ll have a personal vendetta with the PM *and* the leader of the opposition. All that remains, I suppose, is for me to start calling Charles Kennedy names.

Back onto denial, it seems that your mate-in-cash Richard Desmond has trouble accepting that he’s a pornographer. When asked about his low-grade one-handed magazines and range of adult TV stations, he said: “It’s not porn. Porn is illegal!”

http://media.guardian.co.uk/mediaguardian/story/0,7558,1071525,00.html

Oh, and folks in authority are so concerned about racism in the police force that they didn’t want us to know about it in the first place:

http://politics.guardian.co.uk/media/story/0,12123,1071469,00.html

lalalalalalala…

Oh, you’re probably aware that Halloween is coming up. I don’t know about you, but it’s already starting to get to me.

I had this great dream last night where you answered the door at No. 10 and outside there were a bunch of Iraqi children standing on what was left of their legs and holding out shabby sacks on what was left of their arms, chiming; “Trick or Treat!”

You gave them candy, but they wanted to eat your spicy brains. Things went downhill from there.

Tim Ireland

www.bloggerheads.com

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031027
Shop a Yob
Time
09:25
The Sun’s Shop a Yob campaign is not only disgraceful, it’s a shameless rip-off.

Hmm. Hard to know who to root for on this one.

Andrew Parkes is the editor of News Shopper, which has been running its own Shop a Yob campaign for almost two years, and he had this to say:

“If The Sun is serious about joining with us in our fight to identify and shame the scum of our society then I welcome them.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031027

Time
09:36
Personal submarine for the super-rich! All I need now is an underwater lair to park it in.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031027
Can Weblogs…? – Baring Your Bum at Bush
Time
09:37
The Guardian – Bush is not welcome in Britain

Roy Hattersley quite rightly points out that, previously, such an invitation was only granted after ‘long deliberation’ revealed that it was in the nation’s interest. And in this case, it’s most certainly not.

The closing paragraph and the use of the word ‘hooligan’ is a cause for concern, though – especially as his solution to the problem appears to be a deluge of postcards.

Roy, the reason plans for the visit have been ‘truncated and emasculated’ so is the visible willingness of so-called ‘hooligans’ to stand in the way of the charade.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031027

Time
11:58
New York: 450 nude women appear in Grand Central Station

Are they still cleaning up Times Square, then?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031027
Christianity Watch
Time
11:59
Jesus…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031027
The End of Democracy
Time
12:03
Beatnik Salad says: “So, if I’ve got this right, the police can declare ‘orders akin to the announcement of martial law’ for an entire month, in our capital city, without telling anyone and without attracting any press attention.”

Yup, that’s about it in a nutshell. Welcome to the War on Freedom.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031027
Photoshopping
Time
13:12
Ideas for Halloweeen Costumes #1 – Lord Hutton

Requires:

– Long black cloak with hood

– One pair of spectacles

– Tony Blair’s head on a stick

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031027
Only Interesting to Bloggers
Time
13:24
A new weblog aggregator to play with: BlogPulse

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031027

Time
16:36
Illegal foreign workers in West Sussex – what have they been selling to survive?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
08:57
Y’see, this is why I think we need an alternative to ‘traditional’ forms of protest (slightly biased bloggage, but you’ll enjoy it all the same). It seems every time I stand up to be counted, some idiot waves a copy of The Socialist Worker in my face.

The Washington Post has a report on the DC antiwar protest, too – but it’s nowhere near as fun.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028
Goodbye, Concorde
Time
09:02
Mirjam dropped in with the following images from the last flight, brought to the web courtesy of Adam Curry.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028

Time
09:08
Get to know more about David Rees, creator of the excellent Get Your War On. (Direct link provided because the article has managed to provide the wrong domain name and screw up the hyperlink. Sheer genius.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028

Time
09:15
Countless Chicago residents expected to dress as Steven Bartman this Halloween. Perspective, people…

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028

Time
09:17
‘See the latest images from the Southern California wildfires, taken by people on the ground with camera phones and digital cameras.’

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028
Rupert ‘The Evil One’ Murdoch
Time
09:18
Fox News threatened to sue The Simpsons. Groening figured (correctly) that Murdoch wouldn’t allow the Fox News cable network to sue the Fox Broadcast Network, and refused to cut the segment with this hilarious news crawl – but they won’t be getting away with it again. Or will they…?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028

Time
09:26
Yesterday, it was a personal submarine. Today, I’m shopping for a Pulsed Plasma Mobile Hydrogen Generator. I’d insert an evil laugh here, but I just don’t have the lung capacity for it this morning.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028

Time
09:30
Search in Iraq fails to find nuclear threat. Turns out the sanctions were working after all. Oh well.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028
The End of Democracy
Time
10:00
“DELAND, Fla., Nov. 11 – Something very strange happened on election night to Deborah Tannenbaum, a Democratic Party official in Volusia County. At 10 p.m., she called the county elections department and learned that Al Gore was leading George W. Bush 83,000 votes to 62,000. But when she checked the county’s Web site for an update half an hour later, she found a startling development: Gore’s count had dropped by 16,000 votes, while an obscure Socialist candidate had picked up 10,000–all because of a single precinct with only 600 voters.”

Washington Post Sunday , November 12, 2000 ; Page A22

The explanation given for this at the time was a faulty memory card, but the leaked Diebold memos (which have finally reached the mainstream press – kinda sorta – as interest grows in the ‘cease and desist’ letters Diebold fired off to people who dared share them) reveal something far more sinister may have been in the works.

The guts of it is spelled out in the following extract from Black Box Voting In the 21st Century by Bev Harris:

“If you strip away the partisan rancor over the 2000 election, you are left with the undeniable fact that a presidential candidate conceded the election to his opponent based on [results from] a second card that mysteriously appears, subtracts 16,022 votes, then just as mysteriously disappears.”

Chapters 1 to 11 of this book were available in PDF format at blackboxvoting.com but this version of the site has been taken down by their ISP – again – after repeated hacks and false spam reports.

Happily, blackboxvoting.org is still live and Scoop has a mirror of the PDF downloads.

Read the article and memo extracts in full. Download the PDFs. Then write to your local paper and ask them why they’re not reporting this.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028
Emailing Tony
Time
10:01
Tony Blair won’t be getting an email today. I figured that your infinite patience should be rewarded with at least one stray day of ‘normal’ bloggage.

You’re welcome.

Oh, here’s a young lady with rhythm (requires Quicktime).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028
Photoshopping
Time
10:39
Ideas for Halloweeen Costumes #2 – Iain Duncan Smith

Requires:

– Dark suit with blue tie

– 2 rolls crepe bandage

– 1 pair dark sunglasses

– 3 kitchen knives (optional)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028

Time
11:20
Pentagon wants to develop and test ‘mini-nukes’ to fight terrorists.

OK, now can we get a little bit nervous? Surely using a ‘low-yield’ nuclear weapon is like getting a little bit pregnant – and what happens we drop a few that fail to detonate? We may as well gift-wrap make-your-own-nuke kits and be done with it.

Also, what happens when the Bush crowd sets another unhealthy precedent that initiates a return to the glory days of nuclear proliferation?

In other news, the federal commission investigating the September 11 attacks says that the Bush administration is continuing to withhold several ‘highly classified’ intelligence documents. What, we all wonder, could be so very, very secret?

Odds on it’s either a complete lack of intelligence – or something even scarier for us little folks. When you think about it, there’s one thing that would all but guarantee George W Bush victory in the next election. All he has to do is let one slip through the net (without appearing to do so) and the War on Terror will return as a ratings winner….

(Links via Sunfist. Paranoia exclusive to Bloggerheads.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028
World-Famous in Wolverhampton
Time
12:13
Come lunchtime (1pm-2pm GMT), I’ll be having a little chat on Wolverhampton Community Radio about Tony Blair’s email, BYBAB and stuff like that.

You can listen in if you like. I’ll try to be as eloquent as possible, but having a belly full of a rushed chicken fajita, I make no guarantees.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028
The Political Weblog Movement
Time
12:34
“There was a rather cruel comment by one Tory MP who said he didn’t know about 25 signatures to start an election… but it only took three signatures to Section IDS under the Mental Health Act!”

Ahahahahahahaha!

And it was on that note that I discovered the brand new weblog of Clive Soley, Labour MP for Ealing Acton & Shepherds Bush.

He and Austin Mitchell will be added under ‘blog mps’ on the navbar as soon as I get around to it.

When, I wonder, will we finally see a genuine weblog by a Tory MP?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028

Time
13:18
Some dickless wonder is running a fake version of Baghdad Burning.

It looks just like the original, but is decidely – and laughably – pro-US.

Thanks to Atrios for the heads-up and John for the run-down.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028
Virus Alerts
Time
15:58
Here we go again… Anti-virus firms are warning about a Windows worm called Sober that is starting to spread widely online.

Update now, and please don’t open anything suspect. When SoBig was on the loose, my server had to deal with about 100 incoming versions a day.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031028

Time
16:26
Take a look at the robots.txt file for the White House website.

Put simply, the robots.txt file allows you to tell visiting robots what shouldn’t be indexed or archived on any given site. Search engines use robots, as does the Wayback Machine at archive.org

So, technically, it’s still freely available information, but very hard to nail down in a comprehensive and comparative fashion (like, say, when you wish to find conflicting statements on Iraq).

BTW, modern versions of the robots.txt file allow you to disallow the lot and then specify exceptions. Benefit? You don’t end up giving people a handy shopping list of places you don’t want them poking around.

So, what we learn from this is:

1 – There is information on the White House website that they wish to hide from search engines, that they don’t want stored in Google’s cache, and that they certainly don’t want stored long-term at archive.org – just in case their story changes.

2 – Whoever wrote this robots.txt file is a doofus.

There’s a massive thread over at Slashdot with arguments for and against the importance of this little discovery. There’s a lot to dig through, but you definitely have to check out this cracker of a post that hits the nail right on the head.

Revision? What revision?

“I meant what I said, and I said what I meant, an elephant’s faithful one-hundred percent.” (Horton the Republican Elephant, via our good friend Dr. Suess)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:29
Those up-to-date on-the-ground images of the Southern California wildfires have the top spot, but this satellite image is also charting well.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029

Time
09:36
Alan is being mean to Tom.

Tom is being mean to Tim.

Me, I’m investing £10 (at 16-1 odds) on Tim Yeo and his total loyalty (you know it’s true if it’s in The Sun).

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029

Time
09:39
George Lakoff: conservatives use language to dominate politics.

Wired: Spammers mutate language to dominate Inboxes.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029
Christianity Watch
Time
09:41
Hey there, party people! Meet William who is called Chris. He’s a Christian and a pyro. No burning crosses on the site, sadly – but there is poetry.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029
It’s War! And Things Is Getting Ridiculous!
Time
09:44
George W Bush: Suicide bombings are a sign of success. Oh. ‘Kay….

UPDATE – Also, we have this:

George W Bush: I did not have relations with that ‘Mission Accomplished’ sign.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029

Time
09:46
Granny cleared of drag-racing charges. Oh, and that bright spark who conked his pal with a skateboard – at his pal’s request I hasten to add – is now doing time in juvie.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029
Flash Games
Time
09:48
Halloween Whack-a-Ghoul – Huzzah! (Link via Funjunkie, who are off to the races today.)

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Date
20031029

Time
09:51
Mr Dyball may have smoked like a chimney, but he was a knockout maths teacher. He taught us that the Pythagoras rule was the greatest scientific discovery of all time, and damn it, he was right.

He also used his great knowledge of percentages to teach us that Hire Purchase was ‘the greatest rip-off of the 20th Century’.

Of course, here in the 21st Century, we have many new wonders to enjoy, including Extended Warranty.

Here’s a bunch more from some chap who sells trampolines. Enjoy.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029

Time
09:58
In-car device lets drivers change stoplights; officials fear gridlock. Can you imagine the chaos if just two people had these at the same intersection? This deserves to get stamped on. Hard. (Link via Tom.)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029
Photoshopping
Time
10:01
Ideas for Halloween Costumes #3 – Rebekah Wade

Requires:

– Standard witch costume

– Ginger wig (the cheaper the better)

– Handful of Shop a Nob posters

Catchphrase:

“Burn them! Burn them all!”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029

Time
10:05
UK call centres use postcodes to single out customers on the basis of their wealth. Nice one. Oh, I just got a cracker of an email from a technology company that thinks their message went to Tony Blair. I may well share it with you tomorrow.

(Checks email for privacy policy…) Nope, nothing there. Oh well. See you tomorrow, then.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029

Time
10:10
Kinky letters. *ahem*

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029

Time
10:11
BBC: How spammers are targeting blogs.

Bill Thompson is a week or so behind the rest of us (as usual), but at least he bothered to come up with a makey-uppey name – ‘flyblogging’.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029
Emailing Tony
Time
10:21
Tony Blair’s new email system is supposed to send me a confirmation message when I submit an email. I’ve sent dozens over the last few weeks/months, but have yet to receive one single confirmation email.

Of course, I’ve emailed Tony’s IT team about this, but they’re still busy pretending that I don’t exist.

You know what I think has happened?

The specifications I drew up (that they ripped off wholesale) outline plans for a deep, dark hole for problem children.

I think emails from me have been destined for this deep, dark hole from Day One.

In short… I made it all happen, I all but designed the facility – but I’m the first one to be banned from using it.

Should I keep hammering away and sending emails in blind faith?

Should I try to get an answer about possible blockage from Tony’s IT team?

Should I drop the lantern, pick up the magic sword and head east into the forest?

What do you think?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029

Time
10:40
Blogman has just discovered that one of his close friends is a closet blogger – and so he’s done this friend the courtesy of a glorious one-off broadcast of his views. Go check it out, if you like – but do take your singing voice with you.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029

Time
10:55
Richard Allan – MP for Sheffield Hallam: “An informant in the lift tells me that Iain Duncan Smith will get 40 odd votes to 70 or 80 against with a lot of abstentions. I’ve no idea if this is right or not but we’ll find out soon enough.”

Oh, and: http://saveiainduncansmith.blogspot.com/

Good luck to everybody with money on this.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029
A Blog Is Born
Time
12:39
Destined for the Blogroll, this one – and it’s only been live for about a week or so….

Folks, I’d like you all to meet Luke Robinson over at Expats Against Bush.

His post on antiwar hijackers and hangers on deserves special attention. Go visit.

UPDATE – Thanks to Luke, I didn’t miss this dynamite lunchtime read from Eric Schlosser, author of Fast Food Nation:

“I can’t remember another time when having an American accent provoked as much immediate hostility from Brits of every race, creed, class, and sexual orientation. If you’re an American, overseas, in the fall of 2003, you’ve got a lot to answer for.”

and…

“Putting nationalism aside, the real problem at the moment is the arrogant exercise of power by elites, not just in my country, but in many, many others. It’s worth keeping in mind that the American people have been lied to and misled about the behaviour of their government, have far more compassion than it does, and despite all the imperial grandeur, have a lower standard of living than most people in western Europe. Was the British working class to blame for the British empire?”

He then goes on to plug his play, but I liked this article so much, I’m going to give it a plug myself:

Americans – now showing at the Arcola Theatre in London!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029
Anyone but George
Time
13:13
bushin30seconds.org – create a TV ad that tells the truth about George W Bush. Inspired!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031029

Time
16:55
1 – Half-hourly updates on IDS’s vote of confidence

2 – “I am leader; hear me roar!“

Ahahahahahaha! Thanks, Tom. Thanks, James.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031030
The Political Weblog Movement
Time
12:26
Simon Waldman says in The Guardian : “The first politician – of whatever political hue – who uses a blog to reveal humanity, warmth, humour and intelligence (and it is not being overly optimistic to assume that there are politicians with all of the above) will truly be seen as a leader for our times.”

He’s got a point about political blogs in the US. Both Wesley Clark and Howard Dean let staff do most of the bloggage – and George W Bush’s ‘blog’ is a complete abortion and not at all worthy of the title – but to discount the importance of the genuine engagement and action trends set by local politicians (Tom Watson, Richard Allan, etc.) is pretty insulting in my opinion.

Is he saying that they’re not engaging – or is he suggesting that they’re somehow not real politicians?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031030
Can Weblogs…? – Baring Your Bum at Bush
Time
12:34
Hmmm. I’m not entirely sure how happy I am to have Aljazeera onside.

Oh, if you’re in any doubt about what the upcoming UK visit means to George W Bush, check out this big-noting press release US Embassy website:

“This State Visit is the first time an American President has visited the United Kingdom as a guest of the Queen since President Reagan’s visit in 1982.”

And we’re all mightily impressed down here, I can tell you…

Remember, folks – Bush has nothing to offer that’s of substance, therefore image is his greatest weapon. We have to do everything we can to reduce the effectiveness and range of that weapon.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031030
Christianity Watch
Time
12:42
As far as I understand it, the Catholic Church still has a strict hierarchy in place.

If you wish to confess your sins, you need to do it through a priest. If you die without professional assistance in the form of last rites, then you’re in for a rough ride.

Most importantly, as a member of this church, you are not allowed to talk to God directly. That’s why they have a this extraordinary range of saints in place to act as middlemen.

Me, I dare to speak one-to-one with the Big Guy. It’s his fault I’m here in the first place.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031030
Emailing Tony
Time
13:00
The following is an email addressed to what the sender thinks is the email address for Tony Blair:

tony-blair@prime-minister.co.uk

I have gone to great, great lengths to point out that this is not the email address of our beloved PM. Also, you will note that this email has no privacy or confidentiality statement attached.

So…

I’m repeated this email in full for you to read and share with others, as I believe it is the public interest to show clearly how wrong things can get when corporate thinking influences politics.

Some passages have been highlighted by me, but apart from this minor change, this is the entire email presented in full and without editing:

The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP

Prime Minister

10 Downing Street

London SW1A 2AA

United Kingdom

Dear Mr. Prime Minister:

In the course of history, Americans and Britons have been blessed by innovation and invention. Our political leaders have been quick to embrace this innovation for our common defence. Meanwhile, our enemies have failed to appreciate the need to develop and improvise, thus allowing our two countries to gain the advantage during conflicts. Albert Einstein was driven from Germany by persecution and settled in the United States. When America was drawn into World War II, members of the scientific community introduced him to President Roosevelt who then launched the Manhattan Project and the rest is history.

The technology developed by Connotate Technologies represents a quantum leap in the ability to glean information from the web. Think of an army of tireless information agents scouring the web night and day in any language looking for specific information related to security in the United States, and that of interest in MI-5, MI-6 and Echelon. Once identified this information can be seamlessly delivered via any of a number of data transportation methods to the user, in any language.

Using this technology, human research staff can be reassigned to analysis rather than retrieval functions, and duplication can be eliminated. Think of the possibilities. The entire World Wide Web becomes a data warehouse that is continuously monitored for security related information that is collected, collated and delivered through a software program without the need for tedious human intervention.

Information sharing between organizations, and rapid integration of existing data can be easily achieved using Connotate’s Information Agent solution. Connotate’s technology will enable all departments within the United Kingdom’s overall security network to be connected.

Mr. Prime Minister, our firm is in business to earn a living for our investors and employees, but we also desire to provide our nation and allies with the finest tools available in the war against terrorism. We would be pleased to demonstrate our capabilities at your convenience and we firmly believe that our product can make a difference for the safety and protection of the United Kingdom. We are available to speak to those whom you deem appropriate from the IT perspective. As supplemental information, I have attached two documents that may be useful in better understanding our solution.

“One ought never to turn one’s back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!” — Winston Churchill

Very respectfully,

Dennis A. Tedder

Senior Sales Executive

Connotate Technologies, Inc.

New York City, New York, 10128

http://www.connotate.com

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031030
Steady On…
Time
13:06
“I think I’ve found pornographic pictures of someone I know on the Interwebnet – what should I do?”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031030
Video
Time
13:07
Bloody hell! Where does one sign up for the Trojan Games? Check out the Video Highlights for full freakage (it’s pretty much NSFW) but do remember that this is not something that you should try at home. Here’s why.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031030
Spam
Time
13:38
Y’see, this is another reason why you won’t see me going into politics – I can’t stand being surrounded by morons.

Yes, morons. Complete and utter morons! (Link/news via abnu and MarketingWonk.)

These are the people helping us to fix the Spam problem? Oh, FFS. And the US isn’t helping by insisting that free speech entitles spammers to invade my privacy.

(Ever notice when you view some spam, a new one arrives very soon after? A new tracking system, that is my children. Spammers are offering premium services that allow clients to spam people that they know are online. You open/preview the email, they know you’re there – bang comes another Spam. C**ts.)

Tell you what, instead of all this ‘track everyone’ nonsense, can we instead have a special opt-out database made up only of women – oh, and men who are quite happy with the length and girth of their appendages? It’d reduce the total volume of spam by at least 50%… that, or we could launch a pre-emptive strike against Nigeria.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031030
Viral Marketing
Time
13:53
The Jamie Oliver calendar picture – genuine stuff-up or clevery-clogs viral marketing ploy?

You know, I find myself caring very little. Farmers (and whole villages, for that matter) are going under all over the country, but Sainsburys have millions for twatboy Jamie.

Meet Lord Sainsbury. He donates millions in cash to the Labour Party; they invite him into government. Now, amongst other things, he’s responsible for ‘the Office of Science and Technology… Bioscience and Chemicals (except GM Foods)’.

I love the ‘except GM foods’ bit. That and the blind trusts make me feel all warm and comfortable inside.

But of course, I’ve got some blind trust of my own.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031030
Spam
Time
14:23
I wonder how many people fall for this one:

Dear Mr Admin,

Your listing is yellovvpages.com is about to expire…

Take a close look at that URL, folks….

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031030
The same thing we do every day, Pinky…
Time
14:31
As announced by Tom Steinberg in The Guardian: “We are trying to bring together great project ideas, enthusiastic developers and visionary funders to produce cheap, effective services with a demonstrable real world impact.”

Sound like a righteous idea to me. First submission is headed their way in 5, 4, 3, 2…

UPDATE – Tharrr she blows! See? I told you I was working on a universal micropayment solution.

Go forth, people! Give an idea or two the chance to breathe at MySociety.org

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031030
Flash Thingies
Time
15:12
One for the clock watchers.

Nice, but this classic is yet to be topped.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031030
Anyone but George
Time
15:43
Wesley Clark: “(The Bush administration) cannot walk away from its responsibilities for 9/11… strong rhetoric in the aftermath is no substitute for wise leadership.”

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031030
Only Interesting to Bloggers
Time
15:48
Michael Hanson has been busy contracting for Xerox Business Services at Microsoft’s Redmond campus. The other day he posted this picture of a shipment of Mac G5s being delivered to Microsoft’s loading dock on his weblog.

Today, his employer (not Microsoft) had this to say:

“…as it’s your site on your own server, you have the right to say anything you want. Unfortunately, Microsoft has the right to decide that because of what you said, you’re no longer welcome on the Microsoft campus.”

Bye-bye job. Cheers, Microsoft.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031030
Updates
Time
16:56
Austin Mitchell and Clive Soley have been added to ‘Blog MPs’ in the navbar.

Expats Against Bush, James Mills, Stuart Bruce, whodoyouworkfor.org and Martin (aka Web Frog) have been added to the experimental Blogroll.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031031
Riding High on Blogdex
Time
09:47
Donald Luskin is at it again, this time threatening to sue Atrios for calling this self-described stalker… a stalker. More on this at The Register.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Date
20031031
Told You So
Time
09:52
George W. Bush has fired the first shot of the next perpetual war – The War on Pee-doh-files. You want freedom on the Interwebnet? Oh, you must be a supporter of pee-doh-files! And so on…

Oh, this is somewhat related:

Adult bookstore employees hose down protester taping customers entering and leaving the business.

UPDATE – Hoorah! SomethingAwful.com is celebrating National Protection From Pornography Week.

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Date
20031031

Time
09:57
The hundred scariest screen moments according to Channel 4 is a bit rubbish, really.

The hundred scariest movie moments according to Retrocrush is far better.

Mind you, both of them forgot the gravy.

UPDATE – The forum link above refers to this cool collection of censored Warner Brothers cartoons. I looked and looked and looked for a dedicated page for Chow Hound, but no joy. Still, here are some more banned and censored cartoons that I found on my travels. (Oh, and do be careful where you travel on the latter site if you’re not familiar with it already…)

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Date
20031031

Time
10:13
The Onion : ‘Well, You Try To Reconstruct Iraq,’ Says U.S. Defensive Dept.

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Date
20031031
Flash Games
Time
10:19
Run down children and old ladies in your police car. (Car sickness via FunJunkie.)

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Date
20031031
It’s War! And There’s Money To Be Made!
Time
10:20
Washington Post: “Private contractors that received billions in reconstruction contracts for Iraq and Afghanistan contributed significantly to President Bush’s election campaign and stocked their staffs and governing boards with well-connected former federal officials, according to a report released today by a watchdog group.”

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Date
20031031
Christianity Watch
Time
10:22
Halloween according to Kenneth Copeland Ministries. I used to watch cuddly Kenneth at 5am on Sunday after a hard night’s slog on the decks. He seemed to make a lot of sense. Mind you, I was usually drunk out of my mind at the time.

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Date
20031031

Time
10:25
Open your eyes: your children are ugly and obnoxious. Not mine, though. Mine are genetically advanced and a tremendous gift to the world. In fact, one day they will be your leaders.

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Date
20031031
Search Engine Optimisation
Time
10:27
Pop over to Google and search for ‘christmas shopping’… the top (unpaid) search result should be e-Christmas.

This site has been live for… Two. Days.

Yes, I armed it – but I didn’t have a lot to work with, as most of the content is hidden under frames. So why did it perform so well – and so fast?

I’ll tell you why; there have been several incarnations of this site since 1997. All of the past inbound linkage (here’s an example) may not be immediately visible in Google, but this information is in the database and credit is being afforded this site for past interest in it.

In short, there is a history aspect to Google’s ranking algorithm.

Told you so. Nyer, etc.

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Date
20031031

Time
11:45
I’m a snail!

UPDATE – OK, OK, so I’m a turtle. Same difference.

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Date
20031031
There Goes The Neighbourhood
Time
12:58
New York Times: “Google, the highflying Silicon Valley Web search company, recently began holding meetings with bankers in preparation for its highly anticipated initial public offering as it was still engaged in meetings of another kind: exploring a partnership or even a merger with Microsoft.”

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Date
20031031
Photoshopping
Time
13:03
This is the most wonderful thing I have seen all day.

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Date
20031031

Time
13:28
*sigh*

They don’t make scary ghost stories in the news like they used to.

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Date
20031031
The End of Democracy
Time
13:29
Diebold are having a little trouble stuffing the genie back in the bottle.

This quote hits the nail on the head:

“The copyright stuff is a sideshow. If what the memos suggest is true, this makes hanging chads look like state-of-the-art (election technology).”

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Date
20031031

Time
13:37
The funny thing about this article is that, about halfway down, they appear to start typing one-handed.

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Date
20031031

Time
16:33
I’ll be at the B3ta party tonight.

My costume lacks imagination, I’m afraid. I was all set to go dressed as a Photoshop of a man drinking beer, but instead worked overtime on a surprise prize for the server fund raffle.

You’ll be able to see constantly updated images of the drunken rampage at Mr Alfie’s moblog. Isn’t technology wonderful?